The Beginning

"To whom much is given, much is required". So many of us love the idea of being given something but the requirement part is what I struggle with. I have been in Los Angeles since January of 2001...yea I'm making it to L.A. Veteran status! I moved here at the tender age of 19 with my hopes and dreams in my back pocket along with $1,000...$800 of which went straight to my rent. Since then I have been on a whirlwind of trials from falling out with my best friend to perpetual unemployment, not to mention failed relationships. I've had some good times as well, I started out here as a telemarketer and now I'm a TV producer. But that was never my dream. All I know is I had a certain drive then that I seem to be lacking now. I'm sure you're probably saying, "but I thought you were an idealist", well I am but I do live in reality. I am real enough to say that "I AM TIRED!" In reality it's ok to feel that way, but ideally I can't let that stop me, but that's easier said than done. Honestly, sometimes I wish that life was just a big comfy couch that I can lie down on and fall asleep. But I'm coming to understand that life is more like a SoloFlex machine (you've seen those infomercials where you can do several different exercises on one machine) you go to one area and work hard and sweat, then the next area work heard and sweat, then another and another (they have like 15 different exercises you can do on that thing) then by the end of the day you are tired and by the end of the month you have lost a few inches from your waist. If years were inches then I've lost 7 inches from my waist and I'm starting to feel like a waif! But it's only THE BEGINNING. I don't have a husband, kids or even a dog that I am responsible for and I'm stressed out already!

I can't lie...I WANT A VACATION! I know it's not wrong to want to excape from your trials. God says He will give rest to the weary but as much as I would like rest I would like to "rest" in knowing that I will have something amazing to come back to after my much needed vacation. I would like to come back to bills that are paid and and bed that is made! (pardon the poet in me:) Then I ask myself, is this "vacation" really just for rejuvenation or just an excuse to momentarily forget about my struggles. Don't get me wrong if someone offered me a free trip to the Carribean (no strings attached) I'm looking for my passport! But my life as it is will still be the same, except I will have a tan! What do I REALLY want in life? The same as many people; love, happiness, security, an amazing family, good health and all of those wonderful things. So what is my role in all of that? Ask for God's blessing and then DO! "Do" does not come with an instruction manual sometimes we just make it up as we go along and if it doesn't work we change our approach. It seems simple but its kinda hard for me, I'm a little sensitive and need some coaching sometimes.

This is The Beginning of the second part of my journey. I came to L.A. with a dream and now is the time for it to come to fruition. But I have to do my part and I could use all of the help and encouragement I can get! My idea is to share my struggle and to get things done! Some people could care less and therefore might be mad they read this blog but either way it goes this is me and what's going on inside of my head right now.

Check out my dream at: www.myspace.com/AudraBryant