To SEE Change...We Must BE Change!

Praise God for a symbol of change in 2008...the selection of President Elect Barack Obama!

I was recently at a game night (a gathering of people to play select board games...an opportunity to eat, drink and be merry!) and just as we were leaving to return home the topic of Barack winning and how that would affect black people in America came up. This was not mixed company...just us black folk ages 25-40 I'm guessing...most with college degrees. There were two differing opinions:

Point 1- Black people are always looking for a "messiah" (hence I said "a" messiah... not "the " Messiah) to bail them out of trouble. (as if Obama was that messiah) "Black people need to just stay off of welfare and go to school and get an education and they won't need a "messiah" was one solution.

Point 2- Black people have it the worst in this country, the solution is not as easy as it seems....Obama or not!

The person whose point of view I listed as "point 1" was a college graduate with possibly a grad degree. He was also a black Republican (he voted for Barack but still had Republican points of view). I completely understand his frustration with the state of black Americans today. You have rappers who are still continuously going to jail and writing songs that are of zero to minimal substance. The music seems to perpetuate the state of the people instead of encouraging otherwise. The attire of this generation of teens and early 20's young people is less than likely going to warrant them a job beyond an inner city street corner. There seems to be more "babies daddies" then there are husbands in the black community so therefore the state of black people in the U.S. is becoming a cause for alarm. Now the question is...Are we to blame for our downward spiral or is someone else? Personally, I feel like it is a combination of the two and a few variables.


The Decline of the Black Family

• We can choose to stop having babies out of wedlock (not through abortions of course). But celibacy is God's answer to birth control! (us)


• Rebuilding from the Crack Epidemic (them...we didn't make crack)


• Male Self Esteem- (them & us) this may seem weird to some that I listed this but think about it. Since slavery our men have been belittled and emasculated always with the threat of death, from slave masters raping their wives to being called the "N" word or "boy" in front of their families. They have been beat down throughout the past hundreds of years and ladies...we have followed suit. We have now taken on the role of male bashing ourselves chanting "all men are dogs"...well as they were being chased by dogs during the civil rights era we were right there to clean the wounds when they got home. Although it seems like when the crack era hit, when black men couldn't get jobs, when women started burning their bras we thought that was a good idea and so we have become "Independent Women". We can now visit sperm banks and we have our own careers and now don't even have time to raise our own children properly (for some) do we think we are better off? Ladies we are struggling and we have to learn that the black male ego is VERY sensitive not just because black men are "trippin" or whatever it's because they have been deprived of something so long that they need their woman to HELP them restore what they, their fathers, grand and great-grandfathers have lost.

The Decline of the Black Community

• Church (us) Churches must remember that it's not the size of your congregation its about what Jesus would do. He fed a multitude...then He spoke about God's word. If we as a church fail to meet the needs of the people how will they clearly hear and know God. We have the power to do miracles in our community but its not going to happen if it's about "keeping up with the Jones'" what's the use of having a fancy steeple if your congregation is full of nearly homeless people?


• Rise and Fly (us) I'm glad you made it out of the "hood" alive with your degrees and your new corporate career but it's not all about you! Have you ever thought that your success now has you in a place where you can and should help someone else? Don't you think that you are being just as bad as the crack dealers killing our people if you lay your head in the suburbs and don't lift a finger to do anything to help anyone else move forward? For those who think that "Well I did it and I didn't have any help so should they!" Let me say that you did not do it alone, you might have gotten by merely on the intercessory prayer of your grandmother. Heck, maybe if it had been solely on your efforts you would be in the same position as all the others. Think about it!

Black people deep down want the best for each other, we are just sick and tired of the statistics. We are tired of seeing our people struggle financially. I feel that though we can empathize with each other to a certain extent there is still little to no room for real understanding of the situation at hand. I think many black people feel that most blacks just complain and don't do the work to get to the next level...that is not always the case. In every race there are lazy people, there are people who would rather have a hand out than a leg up on a situation. I'm not talking about those people, I'm talking about the people who try their best but have not had a breakthrough or those who tried, got knocked down and are now jaded and have completely lost faith. Those who are in the position to help...don't always do it. As if giving your fellow African American "the hook up" is completely out of order....other people call it Nepotism!

The "N" Word (Let's end this once and for all)

So I got a text the other day and the first line read "Vote for Obama". Of course, I'm all on it but just as I am about to send it I scroll past the last line. "Can a Nigga get elected!" My first thoughts are, "Wow I would love to forward this in support of him being elected. Then I think, why does he have to be a nigga?" It's like the first line of the text spoke volumes, it had me feeling good about the fact that a black man that actually knows what it's like to go without, a man that knows what it's like to struggle and triumph, a man who "looks like me" can actually be the President of the United States of America. A place where once upon a time someone that "looked like me" could not vote or legally read a book. I thought, look how far we've come. But not only that, imagine where we can go as a seemingly downward spiraling race of people. What an example of excellence we have in Barack Obama and how awesome it is to witness these days and times! Heck, black people are finally taking politics seriously and getting involved in the system because we now truly feel like things are changing and there is at least a ray of hope...a glimmer of prosperity in the darkness of this society. Then I come to that last line "Can a nigga get elected". I can't explain how deflated I felt, it was like someone sending you flowers and then when you read the card it says "Happy Birthday B****!" No matter how beautiful the bouquet the harsh slanderous remarks definitely take away from the jubilation. All of this leads me to wonder why we as black people continue to use this term.

Some people say that it is a term of endearment and displays a sense of camaraderie but the way it was used in the example above it figuratively put a 40 oz. of malt liquor in Barack's hand and stood him on a street corner. Does that mean that those on a street corner are now "N words"... nope but this is the type of language that seems to be more easily accepted amongst peers without opposition. (Reasons are to be determined) The term "Nigger" throughout American history has always been one of negativity toward black people. It was a word that was designed to express feelings of: anger, hate, disdain and was used with a condescending tone. This label was shoved down our forefathers throats to belittle them and figuratively castrate our men. Fast forward to today, now we have young black men and women calling each other a variation of the label our forefathers tried so hard to escape. Now we see this label as a term of endearment and brotherhood when less than 60 years ago there were people with hoods belting the same phrase with lit torches on someones lawn in Mississippi?! Are we really that naive to believe that every time a rapper uses this term every third line of his song those racists who lynched our great grandfathers aren't having a hearty laugh at the beautiful work they've done as they do back flips in their graves? Don't you think we seem rather comical to other races as we repeatedly defend a term that has so many negative connotations? (I apologize in advance to anyone who might be offended by my next statements, I am just trying to make a point) I have never heard of a person of Latin descent call each other "Wetback" or a gay person defend the use of the word "Fag" or a Jewish person write a song using the word "Kike".

Various "N word" Uses:

Term of Endearment???

• Would you refer to your grandmother as..."My Nigga"?

• If a person of another race used it in an "nice way" is that ok?

• If your black boss referred to you jokingly in this way would you be bothered?

• What if you overheard a mother calling her child that in a playful way...as if that was the child's nickname? Would that be a problem?
  

Used when Angered???

• Men, how do you feel when a woman calls you this when she is angry?

• Men, if your wife or girlfriend called your son this in anger is that ok?

Used in Music and Entertainment???

• How does it feel when people of other races are singing songs with the "N word" in it and they say the word out loud in front of you. Does it matter because they were just rapping the lyrics?

Does any of this matter? Are we so obsessed with desiring control in some area in our lives that we will fight to the death for a word that stomps us deeper into the ground? This is complete and utter lunacy folks! Comedians how can I laugh when you are saying the "N" word jokes in front of my co-worker Jane? She's not sure if she should laugh or not because she knows that I just might hit her in the face if she laughs at the wrong thing! (lol) But honestly, I'm embarrassed not just because Jane is there but because I can't understand why the people that look like me just don't get that the words that come out of their mouth is very powerful and can be very damaging. Those words can perpetuate a mindset of inferiority amongst our people. It will make us think that you can become the President of the United States but in your own people's eyes...you're still just a Nigga!

God Knows (Are we using the tools?)

Living in a busy city like L.A. and observing the "culture" of this city and looking at society as a whole in certain ways leave me deeply disturbed. I could beat around the bush on this nightly rant but instead I will get to my point. (especially since my last blog was quite lengthy! :-)

I'm sure I'm not the only one that has seen the advertising billboards for the CW's "Gossip Girl" with taglines such as "Very Bad for You" and "OMFG" (I'm sure you are familiar with OMG so I'm sure you can take a wild guess in regards to what the "F" stands for.) I find myself briefly watching MTV and in the corner of my screen they are previewing a new series and all I can see is a couple making out and I'm not talking about a sweet, tender peck on the lips I'm talking about an "I've been celibate for 5 years and it's my honeymoon, so it's goin down!" type of making out. The preview stayed in the lower right hand corner of my screen for what felt like the duration of the show I was watching (or at least glancing at for 10 minutes or so). I don't remember seeing anything like that when I was a teenager and that wasn't that long ago. I know that times change but sheesh!

We are being inundated with "moderate" but now moreso EXPLICIT sexual images more and more everyday. The tv and movie producers are constantly pushing the envelope just for that "Wow" factor. This leads me to believe that with the state of our society where "the freakier, the better" is the rule of thumb then that must adversely affect our everyday lives as Christians, as those who claim to report to a higher authority. Are we letting society relax our morals and dictate what is "reasonable" behavior for Christians within this society as if God's law changes with the times? At one point in time sex before marriage was extremely taboo, then it became ok as long as you didn't have a baby out of wedlock, then it became ok to have a baby as long as you were an adult and could take care of it, now teens are having and desiring babies at an early age and the only message they hear from "society" about sex is to "use a condom". Parents are looked upon as old fashioned and almost comical if they were to suggest to their child that sex should wait until marriage (what a concept). It's almost as if God's law is some sort of ancient tool used by the Mayans that was found in an archaeological dig and though the tool is cool to look at in a History museum it is no longer useful to today's society. I guess you don't need to bang two rocks together when you have power tools and jack hammers! This is not just about sex it's about how we treat God's Word in everyday life. Do we act as if He cannot see us? Is he blinded to our indiscretions because you are "really horny" or "had to cuss the b**** out?" Just because the heavens have not fallen on your head does not mean that there are not consequences to your actions.

Question: "Why can't I find a good man?"
Answer: "You need to keep your legs closed."

Question: "Why are so many kids having kids."
Answer: "They don't have any non-hypocritical role models."

Question: "Why don't I have peace?"
Answer: "You may not be doing what God has called you to do."

Look at the state of the world. The U.S. is in a fiscal nightmare, alcohol and drug abuse are rampant, relationships are deteriorating , families are at war, the country is at war, and dagnabbit no one gives a crap about their neighbor! We are either afraid of each other or we just plain hate each other. God sees this and I believe that he is saddened by it and would like for us to recognize our downfalls and raise the bar. His mercy endures forever but the question is...do we have that much time?

When are we going to raise our standards? When are we going to understand that God sees every move we make and though He knows the condition of our heart His desire for us is the same...to do His will. His word is not a tool for primitive people, it is universal and applicable today just as it was then. The cool thing about God is that there is no "Volume 2" or "Second Edition" the same rules apply for this game of life.

Black Men vs. Black Women (The Most Cutting Racial Divide)

Black Men vs. Black Women

How do we resolve the divide between Black Men and Black Women? Side Note: I have capitalized the first letters in order to display how much of a separate entity we have become almost like another species.
First, we must STOP ARUGING and DEBATING! We (men and women) both have our own individual list of gripes and issues with each other.

Examples:

Men:

"She doesn't appreciate a good man!"
"She doesn't support me!"
"She has an attitude!"
"She won't stay in her place!"

Women:

"He doesn't take care of his kids!."
"He has bad credit!"
"Black men play games!"
"Black men aren't educated!"

Ok, with all this said who's fault is it?....Huh waiting….still waiting. I would be waiting all day long for both sides to shut their mouths because everyone has a valid point. The state of black relationships has been nothing less than deplorable! It seems that we can't get together or stay together for anything! So instead of placing blame like we always have let's just try and solve the problem. If you put 100 lbs of weigh on either side of a scale…its just going to balance out- so we are now in the same place at the same time just weighted down with anger and frustration.

First, we must recognize and understand the importance of Black relationships because back relationships lead to Black families. Family is important, wait I'm not conveying that well enough. Family is a gift from God and one of the most necessary entities in life…it's IMPORTANT!!! Our children are our legacy, they will be the ones to continue to fight after we get weary, they are the ones that will take care of us and this planet if we teach them to, they are the future. But we can't have a future if we can't get our relationships together in the here and now! Our children don't have a chance at combating the ills of this world if we cannot provide them with a solid foundation. If we can't come together then we have no one to continue our legacy and…we die! You wonder why so many black children live in poverty (in comparison to white kids) well we have broken homes! Most single parent homes are either in or at least a paycheck away from poverty! How do you stop that? Two parents…husband AND wife together to form a united front and produce mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially prosperous children and families. The resurgence of the Black Family will cause a chain reaction in the overall well being of Black people in this country.

There is an ugly truth that black people may not understand or even believe is taking and has taken place…a Racial Conspiracy! Oh no, I just said the dreaded "C" word! Now you are seriously contemplating not even finishing the rest of this blog! In hopes that you have continued despite me stating one of the most seemingly "clichéd" words in a black person's vocabulary let me explain. We all know that we came to this country as SLAVES (no rights, no wages, suffered through violent attacks). Then we worked this land in the "Good ole' US of A" until our backs were broken, without education and bare minimum living quarters (but I guess any shack is better than the Middle Passage ships). Through all of that: being stolen from our native land, separated from our families, infused with fear if we were to come near a book… we have survived! We are still here, we are alive…we have scars but we can still look at a our oppressors without lashing out at them or even having hate in our hearts toward them…that can only be by the power of God. Today we have gone from CIVIL RIGHTS marches to a legitimate BLACK PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE! Now, we have definitely come a long way in that we have more blacks in middle class, we have blacks (women especially) graduating from college and we have black millionaires and a billionaire or two! That is a wonderful blessing and progress nonetheless! My question to you is: "Do you honestly think that the same slave traders that brought us here and the presidents that owned slaves and the police officers that battered and turned water hoses on us…the same people that hung us from trees and burned our bodies have died and left us with a new generation of fair-minded and compassionate people that are genuinely concerned about our well-being and therefore no longer racist?" Yeah that was probably the longest question you have ever seen but let's speak the truth. Racism is definitely alive and well. Now the question is how is it used today and how does it and has it affected the Black Family? Look around you:

Cointelpro- (1960s) FBI government agency established in the 1960's that initiated covert operations to infiltrate, disturb, and destroy peaceful activist groups (i.e. NAACP, Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee, The Black Panther Party, the Brown Berets, etc.) They would allow groups like the KKK to wreak havoc on these groups with no repercussion!

Hurricane Katrina (2005) It took 3 days for our President to react while people are dying left and right…come on! Hell PETA was more concerned about saving the animals than Bush was about saving the people!

Jena 6- (2007) 6 black men face prison time for a racially motivated fight of which THEY were the victims!

These are all examples of blatant discrimination, but why? Why would a group of people set traps to ensure another groups failure if the other group was just trying to live a normal life (not necessarily change the world…just live in it and raise a family)… unless the oppressors lived in fear of something. If you saw a stranger walking down the street would you trip them or throw something at them hoping they would fall over? Probably not, unless you were just crazy or you felt threatened in some way. If you knew that person was walking down the street to get to your house to rob you then you might do something like that but you would most likely call the police. Well that is exactly what goes on with the plight of Black and other people of color…especially the men. There are so many road blocks placed before us on our route to just "being normal", being your regular average everyday citizen that there has got to be more than meets the eye. It's something that they know about us that we don't know about ourselves…we are POWERFUL! We are the first people and could easily be the last. Innately it seems as if the oppressors know that and are trying to protect their place on this earth because they know we are so powerful and influential that we could take from them the very thing that they have marked as their territory. Why someone would make claims to something they have not made, paid for, and was not given is ridiculous in my opinion! This world is not to be claimed it is to be respected as far as our living environment is concerned but most importantly God is to be worshipped and we are to be thankful for what we have…not steal from others! So with that said WE as black people need to understand that this road is going to be a bit more rough for us especially our men have had the short end of the stick since the foundation of this country. We have been shortchanged, discriminated against, lied to, lied on and abused for hundreds of years…have we forgotten?! I'm not trying to make excuses for individuals who just "don't care" and have no remorse for abandoning their families, etc. I'm saying that with this disturbingly uneven playing field it's no wonder our Black men fall into a few ditches! We cannot expect our men to just walk into a business and walk out with the job just because they have a degree or experience, there are many factors that go into it (education, experience, God's favor, an attractive "non-threatening" personality, etc.) But one of the sure fire ways that a man can keep his sanity in a world where a white man with a record can get a job before him and he has never been incarcerated, is for his woman to be his cheerleader. Not saying you have to wear the uniform or carry around pom-poms (although I'm sure he'd love it!). But he needs you (whether you think so or not) to have his back and love him through his worldly disappointments. The "world order" does not want him to be successful because it knows that with an even playing field we as people of color have the wherewithal to not only be AS good but to be BETTER than them! Plus, with all of the drama we have faced the past hundreds of years we are resilient and creative when it comes to obtaining the impossible! We would be unstoppable so they have to create this system with pitfalls designed for us so that they can stay steps ahead. It's quite sickening but we as women need to recognize that about the world and stop trying to act as if "everything is equal"…it's NOT!!! Ladies you want a man that "brings something to the table", well don't forget your role. When we begin to believe and encourage our men and stop causing drama and looking for the type of man that brings drama then we can begin to heal from our wounds from the past and appreciate the warrior spirit in that good man that goes out into the world everyday hoping to make it out alive and with his dignity! We can then begin to look at that truck driver or garbage man that works hard on a daily basis and see him for the king that he is! His ancestors just might have been royalty and though he has been mentally and possibly physically beaten down by society…he still wants and deserves a queen by his side to love him. Confirm this with any "healthy" man, when you love a good hardworking man that King WILL give his Queen all that is in his possession! You won't have to ask ladies…the kingdom will be yours! Now, if the man you are dealing with does not respect your body and your spiritual well being than he may not have had an example of a real man in his life. He may be consumed with these ridiculous music videos that treat women like objects and sex toys…that is NOT the man for you! Point him in the direction of Jesus and introduce him to a real man! No need for cussing and runnin' your blood pressure up…he is still God's child that is just not ready for you!

Again, how do we make it better? Let's start by individually cleansing ourselves from the anger and resentment we feel toward the opposite sex and begin to truly forgive the individuals that have hurt us. That person may have been your mother, father, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, etc. The more anger you hold onto the more stagnant you become and the more EVERYONE looks like your enemy! Be honest, are you truly seeking healthy relationships or "thugs" and "hoochies"? If you are picking the wrong people then YOU are the one perpetuating your own unhappiness…not an outside source. Understand that your past can manifest itself in various ways in the present and has the power to shape your future unless you take control of it now! An important step is cleansing.

The third step, so now that YOU are healthy then it's time to stop and get some understanding! Now that we know that this country's system is out of order Ladies take note: I know that you are now super accomplished; you have your house, car, degrees and amazing career and are looking for a man that can at least bring the same to the table and sure there are men out there like that but what if you don't find that? Get it out of your system…stop looking at the ballers in the club thinking they have everything you need because they have a Range Rover (it's bad on gas mileage anyway! lol) Are you going to pass on a blue collar man that treats you well because you can't brag to your friend about his degrees and Mercedes? You have to understand the roll of a woman…yes I said ROLL…we are designed to be a helpmeet and that means that we should help MEET the needs of our man yet it also means that we can help our man get to the next level. So, if you are a professional woman and have a man that's a truck driver as long as your man is a hard worker and loves you then you can help and encourage that man into obtaining a fleet of trucks and running his own company! The main point of all of this is not focused on what you can get from the person you're with or what they can bring to the table in total but the challenge is learning HOW TO LOVE. For me, seeing the way God has loved me and had compassion for me and others is the best example…even when we didn't deserve it. Reading about the life of Jesus and his "no condemnation approach" to people has given me an amazing example of what I need to aim for. You need to love in order to be loved. If you reap what you sew, then sew what you would like to reap! This is not just in regards to obtaining or maintaining a romantic relationship but should be your approach in your daily interactions. Know that if you are angry and evil all of the time then that is what you can expect to be the mainstay of your life. Bottom line, no one wants to be around someone full of negativity. If you would like to know if you are negative then take a listen to your friends. Do they complain all the time? Are their relationships with the opposite sex tumultuous? When they walk in the room does it seem to get darker and less upbeat? If you have answered "yes" then you have friends who are mostly likely negative in some manner. That does not mean that they are bad people but it does mean that you may also have some negative characteristics within yourself otherwise you would probably not be so comfortable around them. Just know that God has a plan and is completely in control so no matter what happens in life don't let the circumstances steal your joy and make you bitter…let it make you better!

The fourth step, Now that you know the importance of black relationships and families, you know the mess that we are up against in this society, you have checked your own baggage at the door and know what to look for then the last step is to be patient. While you are waiting on someone (women) while you are looking for someone (men) focus on God and helping others…don't sulk it will just lead you back into the same anger and bitterness circle that you just came out of. Hopefully you have begun to look at the opposite sex as people that may have issues that they are working through but they still have the right to be loved. Even if they are not your mate they are being worked on by God for someone else, understand that! Don't just brush people off as if you were born perfect. When your heart and mind change and you begin to look at people in love and not condemnation then that same mercy will be shown to you. You will then be showered with love whether romantic or platonic. You will see things come full circle, you will begin to see life differently. Where once you look at the world and the opposite sex, etc as a source of pain and frustration you will then begin to look at it all as opportunities for joy and forgiveness because the love that you have given out has returned to you and next thing you know your PERCEPTION has changed! Now when you see that "thug" or "hoochie" it does not send you into a whirlwind of judgments and disappointment but yet another opportunity to display love and patience or at least stops you from cussing someone out!
We have a lot of work to do my people…but don't fret God did not set us up to fail. We are beautiful and remarkable people with real love in our hearts. Our hearts have just been broken down from this backwards society…we are out of our element, we are used to sharing and caring for one another not stepping over one another for our own personal gain.

Please understand I am NOT about hate and causing conflict between races or anything. I am not an elitist either. I am just stating some things that I have noticed about our society that I feel has kept us apart from each other. I feel when we understand the truth of the matter we can then work toward healing the divide. The Bible says, "Love others as you love yourself." But how can we truly love others if we don't even love ourselves individually and collectively?

God is love, Jesus the example…get ready…set….go!

-Audra
www.myspace.com/AudraBryant