Black Men vs. Black Women (The Most Cutting Racial Divide)

Black Men vs. Black Women

How do we resolve the divide between Black Men and Black Women? Side Note: I have capitalized the first letters in order to display how much of a separate entity we have become almost like another species.
First, we must STOP ARUGING and DEBATING! We (men and women) both have our own individual list of gripes and issues with each other.

Examples:

Men:

"She doesn't appreciate a good man!"
"She doesn't support me!"
"She has an attitude!"
"She won't stay in her place!"

Women:

"He doesn't take care of his kids!."
"He has bad credit!"
"Black men play games!"
"Black men aren't educated!"

Ok, with all this said who's fault is it?....Huh waiting….still waiting. I would be waiting all day long for both sides to shut their mouths because everyone has a valid point. The state of black relationships has been nothing less than deplorable! It seems that we can't get together or stay together for anything! So instead of placing blame like we always have let's just try and solve the problem. If you put 100 lbs of weigh on either side of a scale…its just going to balance out- so we are now in the same place at the same time just weighted down with anger and frustration.

First, we must recognize and understand the importance of Black relationships because back relationships lead to Black families. Family is important, wait I'm not conveying that well enough. Family is a gift from God and one of the most necessary entities in life…it's IMPORTANT!!! Our children are our legacy, they will be the ones to continue to fight after we get weary, they are the ones that will take care of us and this planet if we teach them to, they are the future. But we can't have a future if we can't get our relationships together in the here and now! Our children don't have a chance at combating the ills of this world if we cannot provide them with a solid foundation. If we can't come together then we have no one to continue our legacy and…we die! You wonder why so many black children live in poverty (in comparison to white kids) well we have broken homes! Most single parent homes are either in or at least a paycheck away from poverty! How do you stop that? Two parents…husband AND wife together to form a united front and produce mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially prosperous children and families. The resurgence of the Black Family will cause a chain reaction in the overall well being of Black people in this country.

There is an ugly truth that black people may not understand or even believe is taking and has taken place…a Racial Conspiracy! Oh no, I just said the dreaded "C" word! Now you are seriously contemplating not even finishing the rest of this blog! In hopes that you have continued despite me stating one of the most seemingly "clichéd" words in a black person's vocabulary let me explain. We all know that we came to this country as SLAVES (no rights, no wages, suffered through violent attacks). Then we worked this land in the "Good ole' US of A" until our backs were broken, without education and bare minimum living quarters (but I guess any shack is better than the Middle Passage ships). Through all of that: being stolen from our native land, separated from our families, infused with fear if we were to come near a book… we have survived! We are still here, we are alive…we have scars but we can still look at a our oppressors without lashing out at them or even having hate in our hearts toward them…that can only be by the power of God. Today we have gone from CIVIL RIGHTS marches to a legitimate BLACK PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE! Now, we have definitely come a long way in that we have more blacks in middle class, we have blacks (women especially) graduating from college and we have black millionaires and a billionaire or two! That is a wonderful blessing and progress nonetheless! My question to you is: "Do you honestly think that the same slave traders that brought us here and the presidents that owned slaves and the police officers that battered and turned water hoses on us…the same people that hung us from trees and burned our bodies have died and left us with a new generation of fair-minded and compassionate people that are genuinely concerned about our well-being and therefore no longer racist?" Yeah that was probably the longest question you have ever seen but let's speak the truth. Racism is definitely alive and well. Now the question is how is it used today and how does it and has it affected the Black Family? Look around you:

Cointelpro- (1960s) FBI government agency established in the 1960's that initiated covert operations to infiltrate, disturb, and destroy peaceful activist groups (i.e. NAACP, Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee, The Black Panther Party, the Brown Berets, etc.) They would allow groups like the KKK to wreak havoc on these groups with no repercussion!

Hurricane Katrina (2005) It took 3 days for our President to react while people are dying left and right…come on! Hell PETA was more concerned about saving the animals than Bush was about saving the people!

Jena 6- (2007) 6 black men face prison time for a racially motivated fight of which THEY were the victims!

These are all examples of blatant discrimination, but why? Why would a group of people set traps to ensure another groups failure if the other group was just trying to live a normal life (not necessarily change the world…just live in it and raise a family)… unless the oppressors lived in fear of something. If you saw a stranger walking down the street would you trip them or throw something at them hoping they would fall over? Probably not, unless you were just crazy or you felt threatened in some way. If you knew that person was walking down the street to get to your house to rob you then you might do something like that but you would most likely call the police. Well that is exactly what goes on with the plight of Black and other people of color…especially the men. There are so many road blocks placed before us on our route to just "being normal", being your regular average everyday citizen that there has got to be more than meets the eye. It's something that they know about us that we don't know about ourselves…we are POWERFUL! We are the first people and could easily be the last. Innately it seems as if the oppressors know that and are trying to protect their place on this earth because they know we are so powerful and influential that we could take from them the very thing that they have marked as their territory. Why someone would make claims to something they have not made, paid for, and was not given is ridiculous in my opinion! This world is not to be claimed it is to be respected as far as our living environment is concerned but most importantly God is to be worshipped and we are to be thankful for what we have…not steal from others! So with that said WE as black people need to understand that this road is going to be a bit more rough for us especially our men have had the short end of the stick since the foundation of this country. We have been shortchanged, discriminated against, lied to, lied on and abused for hundreds of years…have we forgotten?! I'm not trying to make excuses for individuals who just "don't care" and have no remorse for abandoning their families, etc. I'm saying that with this disturbingly uneven playing field it's no wonder our Black men fall into a few ditches! We cannot expect our men to just walk into a business and walk out with the job just because they have a degree or experience, there are many factors that go into it (education, experience, God's favor, an attractive "non-threatening" personality, etc.) But one of the sure fire ways that a man can keep his sanity in a world where a white man with a record can get a job before him and he has never been incarcerated, is for his woman to be his cheerleader. Not saying you have to wear the uniform or carry around pom-poms (although I'm sure he'd love it!). But he needs you (whether you think so or not) to have his back and love him through his worldly disappointments. The "world order" does not want him to be successful because it knows that with an even playing field we as people of color have the wherewithal to not only be AS good but to be BETTER than them! Plus, with all of the drama we have faced the past hundreds of years we are resilient and creative when it comes to obtaining the impossible! We would be unstoppable so they have to create this system with pitfalls designed for us so that they can stay steps ahead. It's quite sickening but we as women need to recognize that about the world and stop trying to act as if "everything is equal"…it's NOT!!! Ladies you want a man that "brings something to the table", well don't forget your role. When we begin to believe and encourage our men and stop causing drama and looking for the type of man that brings drama then we can begin to heal from our wounds from the past and appreciate the warrior spirit in that good man that goes out into the world everyday hoping to make it out alive and with his dignity! We can then begin to look at that truck driver or garbage man that works hard on a daily basis and see him for the king that he is! His ancestors just might have been royalty and though he has been mentally and possibly physically beaten down by society…he still wants and deserves a queen by his side to love him. Confirm this with any "healthy" man, when you love a good hardworking man that King WILL give his Queen all that is in his possession! You won't have to ask ladies…the kingdom will be yours! Now, if the man you are dealing with does not respect your body and your spiritual well being than he may not have had an example of a real man in his life. He may be consumed with these ridiculous music videos that treat women like objects and sex toys…that is NOT the man for you! Point him in the direction of Jesus and introduce him to a real man! No need for cussing and runnin' your blood pressure up…he is still God's child that is just not ready for you!

Again, how do we make it better? Let's start by individually cleansing ourselves from the anger and resentment we feel toward the opposite sex and begin to truly forgive the individuals that have hurt us. That person may have been your mother, father, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, etc. The more anger you hold onto the more stagnant you become and the more EVERYONE looks like your enemy! Be honest, are you truly seeking healthy relationships or "thugs" and "hoochies"? If you are picking the wrong people then YOU are the one perpetuating your own unhappiness…not an outside source. Understand that your past can manifest itself in various ways in the present and has the power to shape your future unless you take control of it now! An important step is cleansing.

The third step, so now that YOU are healthy then it's time to stop and get some understanding! Now that we know that this country's system is out of order Ladies take note: I know that you are now super accomplished; you have your house, car, degrees and amazing career and are looking for a man that can at least bring the same to the table and sure there are men out there like that but what if you don't find that? Get it out of your system…stop looking at the ballers in the club thinking they have everything you need because they have a Range Rover (it's bad on gas mileage anyway! lol) Are you going to pass on a blue collar man that treats you well because you can't brag to your friend about his degrees and Mercedes? You have to understand the roll of a woman…yes I said ROLL…we are designed to be a helpmeet and that means that we should help MEET the needs of our man yet it also means that we can help our man get to the next level. So, if you are a professional woman and have a man that's a truck driver as long as your man is a hard worker and loves you then you can help and encourage that man into obtaining a fleet of trucks and running his own company! The main point of all of this is not focused on what you can get from the person you're with or what they can bring to the table in total but the challenge is learning HOW TO LOVE. For me, seeing the way God has loved me and had compassion for me and others is the best example…even when we didn't deserve it. Reading about the life of Jesus and his "no condemnation approach" to people has given me an amazing example of what I need to aim for. You need to love in order to be loved. If you reap what you sew, then sew what you would like to reap! This is not just in regards to obtaining or maintaining a romantic relationship but should be your approach in your daily interactions. Know that if you are angry and evil all of the time then that is what you can expect to be the mainstay of your life. Bottom line, no one wants to be around someone full of negativity. If you would like to know if you are negative then take a listen to your friends. Do they complain all the time? Are their relationships with the opposite sex tumultuous? When they walk in the room does it seem to get darker and less upbeat? If you have answered "yes" then you have friends who are mostly likely negative in some manner. That does not mean that they are bad people but it does mean that you may also have some negative characteristics within yourself otherwise you would probably not be so comfortable around them. Just know that God has a plan and is completely in control so no matter what happens in life don't let the circumstances steal your joy and make you bitter…let it make you better!

The fourth step, Now that you know the importance of black relationships and families, you know the mess that we are up against in this society, you have checked your own baggage at the door and know what to look for then the last step is to be patient. While you are waiting on someone (women) while you are looking for someone (men) focus on God and helping others…don't sulk it will just lead you back into the same anger and bitterness circle that you just came out of. Hopefully you have begun to look at the opposite sex as people that may have issues that they are working through but they still have the right to be loved. Even if they are not your mate they are being worked on by God for someone else, understand that! Don't just brush people off as if you were born perfect. When your heart and mind change and you begin to look at people in love and not condemnation then that same mercy will be shown to you. You will then be showered with love whether romantic or platonic. You will see things come full circle, you will begin to see life differently. Where once you look at the world and the opposite sex, etc as a source of pain and frustration you will then begin to look at it all as opportunities for joy and forgiveness because the love that you have given out has returned to you and next thing you know your PERCEPTION has changed! Now when you see that "thug" or "hoochie" it does not send you into a whirlwind of judgments and disappointment but yet another opportunity to display love and patience or at least stops you from cussing someone out!
We have a lot of work to do my people…but don't fret God did not set us up to fail. We are beautiful and remarkable people with real love in our hearts. Our hearts have just been broken down from this backwards society…we are out of our element, we are used to sharing and caring for one another not stepping over one another for our own personal gain.

Please understand I am NOT about hate and causing conflict between races or anything. I am not an elitist either. I am just stating some things that I have noticed about our society that I feel has kept us apart from each other. I feel when we understand the truth of the matter we can then work toward healing the divide. The Bible says, "Love others as you love yourself." But how can we truly love others if we don't even love ourselves individually and collectively?

God is love, Jesus the example…get ready…set….go!

-Audra
www.myspace.com/AudraBryant