I listened for the umpteenth time the other day to Oukast’s song, “Hey Ya” but this time certain lines jumped out at me: “Nothing lasts forever, so what makes love the exception? So why are we so in denial when we know we’re not happy here?” Hmm, most people would agree with that statement and in some ways part of it may be true. For instance, completely ignoring your unhappiness isn’t wise but the excuse for that is not tied to the fact that “nothing lasts forever” because God’s love and mercy endures forever.It's almost as if we have given up on hoping for a love that lasts forever possibly because we're more familiar with the concept of "broken love" as opposed to "healing love". What we don't quite understand is that love begins with the "lover" (you) not the "loved" (other person). Love must be perfected in YOU before it can be given to someone else. So how do we perfect the love within ourselves? WE don't...keep reading...
The concept of love in this day and age is REALLY tricky because it’s nuances have been convoluted by the “anti-love” society we live in. Let me briefly describe our world, I’m sure I will miss something but feel free to add your own descriptions as needed:
The World (these descriptions are not meant to put anyone on the spot…I am no one’s judge and no one is perfect this is simply an illustration to see where we are in our society; reference point United States):
· Many people are selfish and those who are not are on the verge because they have been hurt so many times.
· Many people would sacrifice the well-being and cohesiveness of their family in order to obtain wealth. They claim they are just trying to be providers but if the very work that they do to provide is tearing their family apart it becomes less about provision and more about pride. Sort of like selling your car for gas money…what’s more important?
· We live outside our means as if having more stuff makes us better people.
· We pay more attention to what we put ON our bodies than what we put IN them. (How do you were Gucci yet smoke cigarettes)?
· We are more concerned about what people think more than what God thinks.
· When we make a mistake we want forgiveness yet we are unwilling to reciprocate.
· If I shot and killed a man I would go to jail but if that man is executed because he is on death row then it’s ok. Hmm…Thou Shalt not Kill?...unless the judge says so I guess.
· People feel like they can shack up, as long as they are not seeing anyone else they have a good relationship. But if you ask why they just don’t get married they say: “We’re not ready for that yet”. You are living as if you are ready for that yet you don’t want the title because along with the title comes the responsibility…and everyone seems to never want the responsibility. We have “Relationship A.D.D.“ these days!
(Are we Lazy?)
I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. We live in a society with too many gray areas. We live in a LUKEWARM society! We are neither hot nor cold but what we don’t understand is that lukewarm is the farthest from God we can get. We waiver in our beliefs to suit our needs in this society which teaches us that as long as we are happy then we are doing what’s right. If we are not happy then we need to run away from this thing that makes us unhappy. It makes sense theoretically but with God it’s a different story. Even with athletics it’s a different story. You’ve heard of “No pain, no gain”. Well sometimes God puts us in uncomfortable positions to develop and mature us because He knows it’s in our nature to run.
We need to go back to the time when our word was bond. We have become manipulators lately because we want to appear nice and kind (because it makes us look good and spiritual) but we don’t want to do the work to backup our word. So how in the world are we going to be able to LOVE each other and build lasting relationships if we are too tired or lazy to put in the work?
(Overly Stressed?)
We tend to be overly stressed in this country because we are taught that what we have (especially if we live modestly) is never good enough. We are brainwashed to work and fight for this “American Dream” by any means necessary and unfortunately our families and friends because the causalities of this imaginary war! I say ‘imaginary’ war because there is no such thing as the ‘American Dream’. That is an idea that we are sold that tells us that we can do anything in this country because we are free. But what we don’t do is read the fine print. Sure we have religious freedoms and freedom of speech but what we don’t realize that affects us all is that a “lawless society” aka a “lukewarm society” is the breeding ground for sin and when sin in rampant in your world…you WILL suffer! You will be the good single woman that can’t find a good man because the men around you are double-minded because their battle with their flesh is so overwhelming (yet acceptable in society )that they cannot make a decision or keep their word so they remain “players”. Society tells them…its ok to be unmarried and a serial fornicator at least until you’re in your mid-thirties maybe 40. THIS society will put single parenthood on a pedestal as if it is the most desired form of parenting and it will encourage women that they can be the mother AND the father to their child. Lukewarm society says to women: “You are an Independent Woman”, you have your own, you don’t really NEED a man.” Lukewarm Society says to men: “Go and sleep with every woman you possibly can…that’s what men do! You’ve got to get it out of your system before you fall for some woman and she tries to marry you. But, if you have some kids though (accidentally) just pay child support…cause that’s what good men do.”
If that is what Lukewarm Society says is ok then how in the world are we going to ever be truly happy? I know single parents and though they are doing the best they can with the cards they have been dealt…they don’t enjoy being alone and doing all the work for themselves and their children. You can speak with many single sisters out there and ask how they feel about single life. Some may love it at the moment and just aren’t ready for marriage but many/most are tired of the dating scene and want real love in their lives.
(Do we settle?)
What I find is that we as people have a knack for adapting. When we don’t get what we want we will just “adapt” and begin to like whatever it is that we get or whatever comes easy to us. For instance, once upon a time when we ate only fresh food (i.e. fresh squeezed orange juice) we enjoyed it because that was our norm. But now that we have been introduced to “concentrated” juice because it’s easy access since it’s sold in all of our grocery stores and you can usually only get fresh squeezed from a farmers market. We have now lowered our palette’s standards and adjusted to the ‘concentrated’ form of juice when we really want the good stuff. We have changed because our environment now says it’s ok to drink a less tasty substitute. They don’t encourage us to go look for the real thing (at the farmers market) that would impede on their pockets so of course not.
But you have a choice: Will you look for fresh squeezed or concentrated? Which one will you BE? Just know that with God doing the squeezing it may take a little longer and be a bit uncomfortable for you to get the results but in the end it will all be worth the effort. And since when is REAL love, TRUTHFUL love ever NOT worth the effort?!
ck people in America came up. This was not mixed company...just us black folk ages 25-40 I'm guessing...most with college degrees. There were two differing opinions:
