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Too Busy for Love?

Traffic....High Speed Internet....On the Fast Track in Corporate America....BENTLEY vs. toyota (The fight to the luxury vehicle finish line..."don't get left behind with a regular car"!)

In this society, we are conditioned to desire an "upgrade" after all who would be content with a flip phone if you can have a Blackberry? We are conditioned to believe that the most important thing for us to do...is WORK! We must work until we have little to no energy to do anything else to achieve a certain level of "success" that is spelled out for us on shows like "Cribs". No longer is the white picket fence acceptable (at least for the next generation) as they no longer have the Cosby lifestyle to try and live up to but now they are chasing the million dollar homes of athletes and celebs.

Now please don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with living a comfortable lifestyle and having a hefty savings account (tis something I strive for myself). My question is: At what cost do we desire these things? I have spoken with several men in regards to their idea of provision for their children (and yes I do believe that the man is to be the main provider for his family, before the woman in a perfect world). I found it interesting that many of the men were more focused on making sure that their child had "the best" of everything from designer baby shoes and expensive car seats to expensive video gaming systems for their older children.--Not a surprise...actually a beautiful sentiment. What I find alarming is the cost that comes along with providing these luxury items for their children. These men were willing to work unbelievably long hours with schedules that would not allow them to see their children before their bedtime. Specifically a certain man worked 80 hours per week to earn a hefty $50,000 per MONTH! WOW I say! Sounds wonderful especially with an economy like this. But lets look at the other side of the equation. 120 hours (in 5 day work week) - 80 work hours= 40 remaining hours/5 days per week= 8 hours per day of free time. If you only sleep 6 hours a night the other 2 hours are probably used to get dressed, maybe grab a donut and coffee for breakfast, wave at the wife and kids as you run out of the house and get in your Mercedes so that you can sit in traffic on your way to your very demanding job! Maybe your weekends are free but then again I'm sure with that type of job you may have to play golf on a Sunday to keep a client invested in your company or you may actually just be exhausted or God forbid have to take work home with you. Overall, is it really worth it? Do your children need all of the latest gadgets and games in order to be happy? Or do WE the people in society actually set the precedence in our own families? But maybe the issue is that we don't always assert our authority over our own lives and choose to not live based on the standard that society sets for us.

Children have an uncanny and very natural desire to love their parents and people in general that they get a good vibe from (they seem to have awesome discernment). All a child really wants is their mommy and daddy (rich, poor, middle class or whatever). With young children there is no judgement because their fuel is love...love keeps them happy....not things. I'm not sure that all would agree with me but the same is really true for adults that have a sincere and honest relationship with God and love themselves. We will forfeit the luxuries of the world for a honest and sincere love from the person that we desire most. Not that we want to be destitute and in the streets but we will trade in the Beemer for the 5 year old Buick if the love is real.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I chose the above scripture to highlight what love really is, it is not just provision but it is combination of qualities that are pure in nature. It is seeking which is truly the best for the other person as a whole and doing what it takes for that person when all sides are measured. There is no wonder romantic relationships cannot last because the first line is "Love is patient", the question is are we patient with each other? Or are we ready to upgrade as if that person in front of us is a cell phone. Heck maybe you don't need an iPhone maybe that flip phone has all the features you need, has less problems then the 1st generation iPhone and costs less money!

In a society where efficiency is the main goal you WILL get the wrong idea if you try and translate that to any relationship. Love takes time, it is not a gadget that you can drop off at the repair shop, leave with your loaner version and pick it up the next day and it works the way you want it to. Love takes work on both the parts of the parties involved. That work takes time and therefore you must not be too busy to take the time that it takes to have the love that you truly desire. (whew say that last line 3 times fast! lol)

Determination

Sometimes I have to cry but I will not die!

I will not lie...it hurts

This lesson is coated in pain

But my God's strength will sustain

I will be stronger than ever...not just survive

I will take over the world when I conquer my mind

No more listening to doubts

No more 'I gotta figure it out'

I know it, I have it, was born with it, I feel it

I am strong now and powerful

I had no idea how weak I really was

When you look at my face tell me what do you see

If you look too long you will see it's ever changing because I grow everyday as I seek HIS face

More confident now because I know my place

Becoming set for the day when I am no longer me...but He...We

And everything He's created me to be

With godly excellence as my goal

His Word as my shield

In His arms I find comfort

With His spirit...indeed...

I am pleasantly powerful and beautifully unique

Greater than my circumstance, stronger than I could ever believe

I set my goals on higher ground because I've discovered my worth

I haven't seen the Promised Land in person but I have an idea

Maybe it's not just a place beyond

Maybe on Earth its just being free with no more insecurities

No more weeping like the willow, my roots are too deep

His power is like water flowing through me

I WILL succeed, I shall not doubt

There is a light inside me that will lead me out!

"Slave" Outrage (Controversy over Lil Wayne's New Song)

(Below you will find lyrics for a new song by Lil Wayne entitled "Whip It [like a slave]". I ask you, how long will we let this continue? Is THIS what our music has come to? But I guess the most important question is....What are we going to do?)

**Keep reading (at the end)...I woke up this morning with this poem after hearing about this song yesterday. Poem entitled: "Slave Rage" by Audra A. Bryant**


Whip It Lyrics (Song by Lil Wayne)

[Verse 1:]
Ok, you ain't know shit
It's weezy f baby like a newborn bitch
You ain't know shit
I put your girl to work now here's a uniform bitch

Pimpin over here
And I ain't santa clause but I make it rain dear
Money out the ass

Yeah money out the rear.
Weezy at the plate

I could bunt it out of here
Safe as a mother fucker
Ain't no safety button on this mother fucker
Where the safe mother fucker?
That's the case i can judge it

Weezy F. the ample fury

12 Hanged witnesses
That's what I call a hung jury
Brung Jerry Bling Bling
I made that but I don't even say that

As much as Judges say that
That's way back
Boy you should catch up

It must of be mine, theys
Long hair pretty eyes light skin fine legs,
Phat ass, skinny stomach, pretty feet, pretty woman
Walking down the street cause I put her out my jeep,
I don't save em, I slave em, they want weezy F,

I bad grade em, I don't degrade em, I serenade em,
100 on the charm

100 on the arm
Rings so thick I can't even make a fist

Nigga fuck how you do it cause I do it like this
Yeah, and I just do my Wayne

And every time I do it I do my thang,[x2]
i do it do it
i do it do it
i do it do it do it do it
i do it do it do it do it
i do it how i do it and i do it everyday
i do it how i do it and i do it everyday
say i do it how i do it when i do it everydayand i whip it like a slave
like a mother fuckin slave
yes i whip it like a slave
yes i whip it like a slave
i whip it like a slave
like a mother fuckin slave
yea i whip it like a slavelike a mother fuckin slave
then i beat it i beat it i beat it i beat i

http://www.elyricsworld.com/whip_it_lyrics_lil (Click here for the rest of the lyrics)

Slave Rage by: Audra A. Bryant

As I write down all my feelings
I squint to see the page
As tears begin to flow
Drowning out my rage

It's not that I'm unhappy
It’s more that I am sad
That the very thing that’s supposed to entertain
Has put shackles on us again

What’s worse than this bondage we face
Is that we volunteer for this cage
When deep inside us is a justifiable rage

How dare I be a slave
When my ancestors died for free…
Dumb this music is that’s bent on destroying me
Yet worse is the fact that no one stands

Have we all given up?
We’re engaged by the beat
When we should be enraged by the speech
Cause if it were a brother of another color
We’d call Al Sharpton to speak

Are we weak? A joke?
Funny? Ha Ha?
Or are we too focused on our own lives
So we forsake righteousness and lower the bar?

How much does it take for you to get mad?
Wake up people…this is bad…wack…sad…and completely inappropriate

Maybe the beat is hot
But those shackles are cold
If this song is at the top of the charts
What does that say about our souls?

Created To Love (The Blog)

(Follow up to poem "Created To Love")

God is Love...so if we were created in His image than we are also love...designed to love.

What I have found in myself is that I have had an overwhelming desire to love people but when you love that can be considered a weakness by the world because you open yourself up to be hurt. No one wants to be hurt so to save face people try to minimize the importance of love as if it is optional. In the kingdom of God love is NOT optional in fact it is said that (1 Corinthians 13:13 13) "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

So why do we seem to shut down when it comes to loving our neighbor? A significant other? Ourselves? I would usually go into a long-winded explanation but I think this will remain short and sweet...but maybe not! (lol) I believe that people in the church have allowed the world to set the example of love (extremely CONDITIONAL love). For example, look at the movies we watch can you count how many people die in the actions films we see today? Try one action sequence at least? It's too many to count. Our video games are full of violence and death now. We see divorce everyday on court shows, celebs can never stay together. We see single parent families on a daily basis, etc. Our society is teaching us that love is conditional at best... no guarantees. Society tells us to stop hoping for love, stop loving those that don't love us and SELF PROTECT! The world is about"Looking out for #1"...God is NOT in the equation so why are WE (God's people) following suit?

We may not like what comes with the territory of being open to love, the vulnerability, the inconsistency, the frustration but it is who we are! If living in this country as a black person is difficult...you can't change that...so why do we try and change our loving nature? I refuse to apologize for desiring to love a wonderful man of God...God put that desire there! I refuse to NOT encourage my sister in Christ because the world says that she is my "competition"! I refuse to continue to condemn myself for my imperfections as if I have not been created by the most perfect being in existence, God! I REFUSE!

We must demand and command love again in our lives or we will die spiritually and physically. Quick story, I saw a show on TV about sick children with brain tumors. These children were on the verge of death when they were "adopted" by college athletic teams who would invite them to games and call them when they were in the hospital, send them letters, etc. These teams loved on these sick children. One of the parents of the children said that she took her daughter to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor said that her T-cells were at a more normal rate (she was healing faster than normal) the doctor was curious to how this could happen at such an accelerated rate. The doctor knew the medicine could not work this quickly or well. The mother could only think of the weekend before when her husband and child were hanging out with the rugby team this past weekend and the weekends before! So it looks like love can heal...so how can we just choose to NOT help heal people?

The U.S. has the highest rate of Depression in the world (according to a Forbes article in 2007). I'm pretty sure much has not change since then...probably just worse. We work diligently and constantly toward the "American Dream" in this country but what we don't realize is that we suffer spiritually along the way. We must understand that Depression is a symptom of a Love Deficiency...it IS curable. We in the church need to fully understand what is important, how can we chase our dreams and not spend the time to encourage others and give to them freely or are we just too busy to love?

(Stay tuned for the followup..."Too Busy To Love")

A Love for Me

Where is a love for me?
Sick of wanting, fawning, yawning then drifting off to sleep
Just to wake with the same circumstances
Alas, it’s just me

It’s more than just having a Romeo
It’s something I know that’s deep
It’s heartfelt, it’s God-breathed
Precious is this dream

I sit back and watch the fireworks explode
The heart light of others I see
Whilst I sit here and implode
Waiting on a love for me

Tired of writing stories
Painful poetry and the like
It’s cutting me too deep
I hope there is an infirmary in sight

I bleed red on this here canvas
Emotions filled with blues
Green with envy at the love
That I continue to lose

Where is a love for me?
I sit for I cannot stand
Been waiting for you so long, Love

Signed,

Your Biggest Fan

Letter To the Outside World

(The perils of not operating in your purpose)

I sit…I sit… I stand
I pace…I stop…I sit down again
That's how it is on the inside

There's 4 walls a few halls and no sunlight
"How am I supposed to breathe with no air" why can't I get a breeze?
Can't even see the trees
And you gotta buzz someone in that wants to visit me

Where did I go wrong or is this where I belong?
Wage is minimal, conditions are criminal
Using a certain jargon so your references are subliminal
But everywhere I look it's all the same, my friends my family they don't even have time to write to me

But this is life? This is how it's supposed to be?
But it ain't cool when freedom is closed to me!
I want to be run, jump and play but who's gonna pay… these bills today
I heard that if you do what you love then you'll never work a day in your life
Well, I interviewed for that job…and it was filled!

So I send a letter to the outside world from the 3rd floor suite two sixteen hoping somebody hears me
This feels more like cell block 105 hopin you take a long enough lunch to make it out alive!

"Good Girls" and "Nice Guys"

I have been blessed to have wonderful and Godly friends in my life. Most of which of course are single (cause you know us single folk flock together). One thing that has boggled my mind is how these amazing single men and women remain solo (myself included). Barring any lack of desire to be in a relationship logically it seems downright absurd for these wonderful people to be alone with a desire to be with someone. But something hit me.

Does this sound familiar to anyone:

• You get bored with regular aimless dating?
• Do you feel sometimes like your heart is on reserve for somebody special but it feels like it is taking too long to find the person that fits the profile?
• Does it seem like even though you are attractive and have a great personality, the guy or girl you are interested in doesn't recognize it?
• Do people call you the "good girl" or the "nice guy" and that seems to be the reason you can't get any play and it's frustrating?

Well there is something that I have discovered. This of course does not apply to everyone (but then again what does).

I believe that some people ARE put on reserve. I believe that some men are just naturally Husbands and some women are just naturally Wives, while some people are Boyfriends and Girlfriends. Now don't get me wrong I think the B's and G's can become great H's and W's but I think that some people just have that "I am to be married…not dated!" sign stamped on their forehead. Have you ever heard "I gotta get myself together before I can holla at you" or "I think you are a great guy and would make a great husband but…(fill in the blank). I believe that some people give off an aire that demands respect and not to be played with and I believe the most people with a conscience will recognize that and NOT play around with them. But that same wonderful quality will usually lead to something not so nice…loneliness. Not to blow anyone's head up but when a person "has it together" and they are genuinely a great person…that can be intimidating! Imagine how you would feel if Kobe Bryant asked you to play one-on-one with him. He's a pro and you're a…no! How intimidating would that be? No matter how nice and cool he was you would probably decline because you know you couldn't keep up! Now don't get me wrong, this does not mean you shouldn't check yourself for any "hot mess tendencies" you may have. You could very well be the reason you are alone. But in case you are pretty healthy relationship wise this could be what's happening.

Basically, understand that God's hedge of protection is a great thing. Remember "Father Knows Best" He knows how special you are but he also knows your weaknesses. So that chick with the big booty you have been hawkin' may be easy on the eyes but she just might be heavy on the wallet. Or that dude, he may have a great sense of humor but he also has "mommy issues" and subconsciously hates women. God knows our vulnerabilities and so the rejection we face may be His protection! Maybe you don't feel rejected, maybe you just hate the whole dating scene. I think that if you are dating with a purpose than boredom and frustration can be expected because it means you know what you want. When you have Godly standards you can expect some thumb twiddling time. If this is you, you must be patient but you must also pray. Pray for what you want…every last detail (to eye color, or body shape). Does God have to give you exactly what you want? Of course not, but it could happen. Either way, the most important thing is that the person you settle down with should not be a settlement!

Wait on the man or woman of God you know that you deserve they will recognize the Husband or Wife that you really are. The good news is…you won't have to convince them because when they look at you they will see a piece of themselves.

Love in a "Lukewarm" Society

I listened for the umpteenth time the other day to Oukast’s song, “Hey Ya” but this time certain lines jumped out at me: “Nothing lasts forever, so what makes love the exception? So why are we so in denial when we know we’re not happy here?” Hmm, most people would agree with that statement and in some ways part of it may be true. For instance, completely ignoring your unhappiness isn’t wise but the excuse for that is not tied to the fact that “nothing lasts forever” because God’s love and mercy endures forever.

It's almost as if we have given up on hoping for a love that lasts forever possibly because we're more familiar with the concept of "broken love" as opposed to "healing love". What we don't quite understand is that love begins with the "lover" (you) not the "loved" (other person). Love must be perfected in YOU before it can be given to someone else. So how do we perfect the love within ourselves? WE don't...keep reading...

The concept of love in this day and age is REALLY tricky because it’s nuances have been convoluted by the “anti-love” society we live in. Let me briefly describe our world, I’m sure I will miss something but feel free to add your own descriptions as needed:
The World (these descriptions are not meant to put anyone on the spot…I am no one’s judge and no one is perfect this is simply an illustration to see where we are in our society; reference point United States):

· Many people are selfish and those who are not are on the verge because they have been hurt so many times.

· Many people would sacrifice the well-being and cohesiveness of their family in order to obtain wealth. They claim they are just trying to be providers but if the very work that they do to provide is tearing their family apart it becomes less about provision and more about pride. Sort of like selling your car for gas money…what’s more important?

· We live outside our means as if having more stuff makes us better people.

· We pay more attention to what we put ON our bodies than what we put IN them. (How do you were Gucci yet smoke cigarettes)?

· We are more concerned about what people think more than what God thinks.

· When we make a mistake we want forgiveness yet we are unwilling to reciprocate.

· If I shot and killed a man I would go to jail but if that man is executed because he is on death row then it’s ok. Hmm…Thou Shalt not Kill?...unless the judge says so I guess.

· People feel like they can shack up, as long as they are not seeing anyone else they have a good relationship. But if you ask why they just don’t get married they say: “We’re not ready for that yet”. You are living as if you are ready for that yet you don’t want the title because along with the title comes the responsibility…and everyone seems to never want the responsibility. We have “Relationship A.D.D.“ these days!

(Are we Lazy?)

I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. We live in a society with too many gray areas. We live in a LUKEWARM society! We are neither hot nor cold but what we don’t understand is that lukewarm is the farthest from God we can get. We waiver in our beliefs to suit our needs in this society which teaches us that as long as we are happy then we are doing what’s right. If we are not happy then we need to run away from this thing that makes us unhappy. It makes sense theoretically but with God it’s a different story. Even with athletics it’s a different story. You’ve heard of “No pain, no gain”. Well sometimes God puts us in uncomfortable positions to develop and mature us because He knows it’s in our nature to run.
We need to go back to the time when our word was bond. We have become manipulators lately because we want to appear nice and kind (because it makes us look good and spiritual) but we don’t want to do the work to backup our word. So how in the world are we going to be able to LOVE each other and build lasting relationships if we are too tired or lazy to put in the work?

(Overly Stressed?)

We tend to be overly stressed in this country because we are taught that what we have (especially if we live modestly) is never good enough. We are brainwashed to work and fight for this “American Dream” by any means necessary and unfortunately our families and friends because the causalities of this imaginary war! I say ‘imaginary’ war because there is no such thing as the ‘American Dream’. That is an idea that we are sold that tells us that we can do anything in this country because we are free. But what we don’t do is read the fine print. Sure we have religious freedoms and freedom of speech but what we don’t realize that affects us all is that a “lawless society” aka a “lukewarm society” is the breeding ground for sin and when sin in rampant in your world…you WILL suffer! You will be the good single woman that can’t find a good man because the men around you are double-minded because their battle with their flesh is so overwhelming (yet acceptable in society )that they cannot make a decision or keep their word so they remain “players”. Society tells them…its ok to be unmarried and a serial fornicator at least until you’re in your mid-thirties maybe 40. THIS society will put single parenthood on a pedestal as if it is the most desired form of parenting and it will encourage women that they can be the mother AND the father to their child. Lukewarm society says to women: “You are an Independent Woman”, you have your own, you don’t really NEED a man.” Lukewarm Society says to men: “Go and sleep with every woman you possibly can…that’s what men do! You’ve got to get it out of your system before you fall for some woman and she tries to marry you. But, if you have some kids though (accidentally) just pay child support…cause that’s what good men do.”

If that is what Lukewarm Society says is ok then how in the world are we going to ever be truly happy? I know single parents and though they are doing the best they can with the cards they have been dealt…they don’t enjoy being alone and doing all the work for themselves and their children. You can speak with many single sisters out there and ask how they feel about single life. Some may love it at the moment and just aren’t ready for marriage but many/most are tired of the dating scene and want real love in their lives.

(Do we settle?)

What I find is that we as people have a knack for adapting. When we don’t get what we want we will just “adapt” and begin to like whatever it is that we get or whatever comes easy to us. For instance, once upon a time when we ate only fresh food (i.e. fresh squeezed orange juice) we enjoyed it because that was our norm. But now that we have been introduced to “concentrated” juice because it’s easy access since it’s sold in all of our grocery stores and you can usually only get fresh squeezed from a farmers market. We have now lowered our palette’s standards and adjusted to the ‘concentrated’ form of juice when we really want the good stuff. We have changed because our environment now says it’s ok to drink a less tasty substitute. They don’t encourage us to go look for the real thing (at the farmers market) that would impede on their pockets so of course not.

But you have a choice: Will you look for fresh squeezed or concentrated? Which one will you BE? Just know that with God doing the squeezing it may take a little longer and be a bit uncomfortable for you to get the results but in the end it will all be worth the effort. And since when is REAL love, TRUTHFUL love ever NOT worth the effort?!