Created To Love (The Blog)

(Follow up to poem "Created To Love")

God is Love...so if we were created in His image than we are also love...designed to love.

What I have found in myself is that I have had an overwhelming desire to love people but when you love that can be considered a weakness by the world because you open yourself up to be hurt. No one wants to be hurt so to save face people try to minimize the importance of love as if it is optional. In the kingdom of God love is NOT optional in fact it is said that (1 Corinthians 13:13 13) "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

So why do we seem to shut down when it comes to loving our neighbor? A significant other? Ourselves? I would usually go into a long-winded explanation but I think this will remain short and sweet...but maybe not! (lol) I believe that people in the church have allowed the world to set the example of love (extremely CONDITIONAL love). For example, look at the movies we watch can you count how many people die in the actions films we see today? Try one action sequence at least? It's too many to count. Our video games are full of violence and death now. We see divorce everyday on court shows, celebs can never stay together. We see single parent families on a daily basis, etc. Our society is teaching us that love is conditional at best... no guarantees. Society tells us to stop hoping for love, stop loving those that don't love us and SELF PROTECT! The world is about"Looking out for #1"...God is NOT in the equation so why are WE (God's people) following suit?

We may not like what comes with the territory of being open to love, the vulnerability, the inconsistency, the frustration but it is who we are! If living in this country as a black person is difficult...you can't change that...so why do we try and change our loving nature? I refuse to apologize for desiring to love a wonderful man of God...God put that desire there! I refuse to NOT encourage my sister in Christ because the world says that she is my "competition"! I refuse to continue to condemn myself for my imperfections as if I have not been created by the most perfect being in existence, God! I REFUSE!

We must demand and command love again in our lives or we will die spiritually and physically. Quick story, I saw a show on TV about sick children with brain tumors. These children were on the verge of death when they were "adopted" by college athletic teams who would invite them to games and call them when they were in the hospital, send them letters, etc. These teams loved on these sick children. One of the parents of the children said that she took her daughter to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor said that her T-cells were at a more normal rate (she was healing faster than normal) the doctor was curious to how this could happen at such an accelerated rate. The doctor knew the medicine could not work this quickly or well. The mother could only think of the weekend before when her husband and child were hanging out with the rugby team this past weekend and the weekends before! So it looks like love can heal...so how can we just choose to NOT help heal people?

The U.S. has the highest rate of Depression in the world (according to a Forbes article in 2007). I'm pretty sure much has not change since then...probably just worse. We work diligently and constantly toward the "American Dream" in this country but what we don't realize is that we suffer spiritually along the way. We must understand that Depression is a symptom of a Love Deficiency...it IS curable. We in the church need to fully understand what is important, how can we chase our dreams and not spend the time to encourage others and give to them freely or are we just too busy to love?

(Stay tuned for the followup..."Too Busy To Love")

A Love for Me

Where is a love for me?
Sick of wanting, fawning, yawning then drifting off to sleep
Just to wake with the same circumstances
Alas, it’s just me

It’s more than just having a Romeo
It’s something I know that’s deep
It’s heartfelt, it’s God-breathed
Precious is this dream

I sit back and watch the fireworks explode
The heart light of others I see
Whilst I sit here and implode
Waiting on a love for me

Tired of writing stories
Painful poetry and the like
It’s cutting me too deep
I hope there is an infirmary in sight

I bleed red on this here canvas
Emotions filled with blues
Green with envy at the love
That I continue to lose

Where is a love for me?
I sit for I cannot stand
Been waiting for you so long, Love

Signed,

Your Biggest Fan

Letter To the Outside World

(The perils of not operating in your purpose)

I sit…I sit… I stand
I pace…I stop…I sit down again
That's how it is on the inside

There's 4 walls a few halls and no sunlight
"How am I supposed to breathe with no air" why can't I get a breeze?
Can't even see the trees
And you gotta buzz someone in that wants to visit me

Where did I go wrong or is this where I belong?
Wage is minimal, conditions are criminal
Using a certain jargon so your references are subliminal
But everywhere I look it's all the same, my friends my family they don't even have time to write to me

But this is life? This is how it's supposed to be?
But it ain't cool when freedom is closed to me!
I want to be run, jump and play but who's gonna pay… these bills today
I heard that if you do what you love then you'll never work a day in your life
Well, I interviewed for that job…and it was filled!

So I send a letter to the outside world from the 3rd floor suite two sixteen hoping somebody hears me
This feels more like cell block 105 hopin you take a long enough lunch to make it out alive!

"Good Girls" and "Nice Guys"

I have been blessed to have wonderful and Godly friends in my life. Most of which of course are single (cause you know us single folk flock together). One thing that has boggled my mind is how these amazing single men and women remain solo (myself included). Barring any lack of desire to be in a relationship logically it seems downright absurd for these wonderful people to be alone with a desire to be with someone. But something hit me.

Does this sound familiar to anyone:

• You get bored with regular aimless dating?
• Do you feel sometimes like your heart is on reserve for somebody special but it feels like it is taking too long to find the person that fits the profile?
• Does it seem like even though you are attractive and have a great personality, the guy or girl you are interested in doesn't recognize it?
• Do people call you the "good girl" or the "nice guy" and that seems to be the reason you can't get any play and it's frustrating?

Well there is something that I have discovered. This of course does not apply to everyone (but then again what does).

I believe that some people ARE put on reserve. I believe that some men are just naturally Husbands and some women are just naturally Wives, while some people are Boyfriends and Girlfriends. Now don't get me wrong I think the B's and G's can become great H's and W's but I think that some people just have that "I am to be married…not dated!" sign stamped on their forehead. Have you ever heard "I gotta get myself together before I can holla at you" or "I think you are a great guy and would make a great husband but…(fill in the blank). I believe that some people give off an aire that demands respect and not to be played with and I believe the most people with a conscience will recognize that and NOT play around with them. But that same wonderful quality will usually lead to something not so nice…loneliness. Not to blow anyone's head up but when a person "has it together" and they are genuinely a great person…that can be intimidating! Imagine how you would feel if Kobe Bryant asked you to play one-on-one with him. He's a pro and you're a…no! How intimidating would that be? No matter how nice and cool he was you would probably decline because you know you couldn't keep up! Now don't get me wrong, this does not mean you shouldn't check yourself for any "hot mess tendencies" you may have. You could very well be the reason you are alone. But in case you are pretty healthy relationship wise this could be what's happening.

Basically, understand that God's hedge of protection is a great thing. Remember "Father Knows Best" He knows how special you are but he also knows your weaknesses. So that chick with the big booty you have been hawkin' may be easy on the eyes but she just might be heavy on the wallet. Or that dude, he may have a great sense of humor but he also has "mommy issues" and subconsciously hates women. God knows our vulnerabilities and so the rejection we face may be His protection! Maybe you don't feel rejected, maybe you just hate the whole dating scene. I think that if you are dating with a purpose than boredom and frustration can be expected because it means you know what you want. When you have Godly standards you can expect some thumb twiddling time. If this is you, you must be patient but you must also pray. Pray for what you want…every last detail (to eye color, or body shape). Does God have to give you exactly what you want? Of course not, but it could happen. Either way, the most important thing is that the person you settle down with should not be a settlement!

Wait on the man or woman of God you know that you deserve they will recognize the Husband or Wife that you really are. The good news is…you won't have to convince them because when they look at you they will see a piece of themselves.

Love in a "Lukewarm" Society

I listened for the umpteenth time the other day to Oukast’s song, “Hey Ya” but this time certain lines jumped out at me: “Nothing lasts forever, so what makes love the exception? So why are we so in denial when we know we’re not happy here?” Hmm, most people would agree with that statement and in some ways part of it may be true. For instance, completely ignoring your unhappiness isn’t wise but the excuse for that is not tied to the fact that “nothing lasts forever” because God’s love and mercy endures forever.

It's almost as if we have given up on hoping for a love that lasts forever possibly because we're more familiar with the concept of "broken love" as opposed to "healing love". What we don't quite understand is that love begins with the "lover" (you) not the "loved" (other person). Love must be perfected in YOU before it can be given to someone else. So how do we perfect the love within ourselves? WE don't...keep reading...

The concept of love in this day and age is REALLY tricky because it’s nuances have been convoluted by the “anti-love” society we live in. Let me briefly describe our world, I’m sure I will miss something but feel free to add your own descriptions as needed:
The World (these descriptions are not meant to put anyone on the spot…I am no one’s judge and no one is perfect this is simply an illustration to see where we are in our society; reference point United States):

· Many people are selfish and those who are not are on the verge because they have been hurt so many times.

· Many people would sacrifice the well-being and cohesiveness of their family in order to obtain wealth. They claim they are just trying to be providers but if the very work that they do to provide is tearing their family apart it becomes less about provision and more about pride. Sort of like selling your car for gas money…what’s more important?

· We live outside our means as if having more stuff makes us better people.

· We pay more attention to what we put ON our bodies than what we put IN them. (How do you were Gucci yet smoke cigarettes)?

· We are more concerned about what people think more than what God thinks.

· When we make a mistake we want forgiveness yet we are unwilling to reciprocate.

· If I shot and killed a man I would go to jail but if that man is executed because he is on death row then it’s ok. Hmm…Thou Shalt not Kill?...unless the judge says so I guess.

· People feel like they can shack up, as long as they are not seeing anyone else they have a good relationship. But if you ask why they just don’t get married they say: “We’re not ready for that yet”. You are living as if you are ready for that yet you don’t want the title because along with the title comes the responsibility…and everyone seems to never want the responsibility. We have “Relationship A.D.D.“ these days!

(Are we Lazy?)

I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. We live in a society with too many gray areas. We live in a LUKEWARM society! We are neither hot nor cold but what we don’t understand is that lukewarm is the farthest from God we can get. We waiver in our beliefs to suit our needs in this society which teaches us that as long as we are happy then we are doing what’s right. If we are not happy then we need to run away from this thing that makes us unhappy. It makes sense theoretically but with God it’s a different story. Even with athletics it’s a different story. You’ve heard of “No pain, no gain”. Well sometimes God puts us in uncomfortable positions to develop and mature us because He knows it’s in our nature to run.
We need to go back to the time when our word was bond. We have become manipulators lately because we want to appear nice and kind (because it makes us look good and spiritual) but we don’t want to do the work to backup our word. So how in the world are we going to be able to LOVE each other and build lasting relationships if we are too tired or lazy to put in the work?

(Overly Stressed?)

We tend to be overly stressed in this country because we are taught that what we have (especially if we live modestly) is never good enough. We are brainwashed to work and fight for this “American Dream” by any means necessary and unfortunately our families and friends because the causalities of this imaginary war! I say ‘imaginary’ war because there is no such thing as the ‘American Dream’. That is an idea that we are sold that tells us that we can do anything in this country because we are free. But what we don’t do is read the fine print. Sure we have religious freedoms and freedom of speech but what we don’t realize that affects us all is that a “lawless society” aka a “lukewarm society” is the breeding ground for sin and when sin in rampant in your world…you WILL suffer! You will be the good single woman that can’t find a good man because the men around you are double-minded because their battle with their flesh is so overwhelming (yet acceptable in society )that they cannot make a decision or keep their word so they remain “players”. Society tells them…its ok to be unmarried and a serial fornicator at least until you’re in your mid-thirties maybe 40. THIS society will put single parenthood on a pedestal as if it is the most desired form of parenting and it will encourage women that they can be the mother AND the father to their child. Lukewarm society says to women: “You are an Independent Woman”, you have your own, you don’t really NEED a man.” Lukewarm Society says to men: “Go and sleep with every woman you possibly can…that’s what men do! You’ve got to get it out of your system before you fall for some woman and she tries to marry you. But, if you have some kids though (accidentally) just pay child support…cause that’s what good men do.”

If that is what Lukewarm Society says is ok then how in the world are we going to ever be truly happy? I know single parents and though they are doing the best they can with the cards they have been dealt…they don’t enjoy being alone and doing all the work for themselves and their children. You can speak with many single sisters out there and ask how they feel about single life. Some may love it at the moment and just aren’t ready for marriage but many/most are tired of the dating scene and want real love in their lives.

(Do we settle?)

What I find is that we as people have a knack for adapting. When we don’t get what we want we will just “adapt” and begin to like whatever it is that we get or whatever comes easy to us. For instance, once upon a time when we ate only fresh food (i.e. fresh squeezed orange juice) we enjoyed it because that was our norm. But now that we have been introduced to “concentrated” juice because it’s easy access since it’s sold in all of our grocery stores and you can usually only get fresh squeezed from a farmers market. We have now lowered our palette’s standards and adjusted to the ‘concentrated’ form of juice when we really want the good stuff. We have changed because our environment now says it’s ok to drink a less tasty substitute. They don’t encourage us to go look for the real thing (at the farmers market) that would impede on their pockets so of course not.

But you have a choice: Will you look for fresh squeezed or concentrated? Which one will you BE? Just know that with God doing the squeezing it may take a little longer and be a bit uncomfortable for you to get the results but in the end it will all be worth the effort. And since when is REAL love, TRUTHFUL love ever NOT worth the effort?!

I Am EVE

I am EVE

Not to be confused with an EVE-ning

Not just one night

I'm not EVE-n though I'm with you, I'm with her too

I am not EVE-ventually I'm gonna get it together, just wait for me to finish playing

What are you saying?

Am I not worth you taking a serious look at your life and behavior and say

"Hey I can't let her get away"

I'm patient but I can't wait forever.

If together's not an option then let me know

I am EVE

Not lEaVE and come back tomorrow

EVE is on the edge of bitterness

From a snake bite earlier

I thought Adam had the salve

But he was too busy chasing the bushes

I can't wait until he figures out

They're not going anywhere

and those bushes baby produce...no fruit!

Created To Love (from his perspective)

I am a vessel created to love.
I can’t help it
The world tries to squelch it
but alas love is my calling

To love people, ideals, nature as well as myself
My hearts too big to be put on a shelf

They say I bring joy to those I love
Even strangers have felt the tug
They see me and smile
I’m not quite sure why
Cause every part of me feels like an ordinary guy

But I guess there’s something inside
My eyes cannot see
That keeps drawing people so close to me
It’s a natural thing
You can’t buy it online
It’s the deepest and purest love from God
That’s what you’ll find inside

Not sure how it got there
But I’m so glad it did
I was created to love
And I won’t apologize for it

Yay Love!

Wow love…you came to visit!
I am overwhelmed and so very honored to meet your acquaintance
I did not know I was capable
I truly understand what God means when He says” Love is kind and not self-seeking”
If I had it my way I would take time out of everyday to say ‘I love you’
Make sure you’re ok
Give you hugs
Learn to cook really well so I can serve you dinner… with confidence!

Love feels good
Giving love feels good
And feeling good…feels good
Most importantly loving YOU feels right…the easiest thing I’ve ever done… next to writing this… about you
Thank you…for being you
And allowing me to be me

You say you’re not perfect but forgive me if I just look at your imperfections as signs that you are actually human and not an angel that will leave me soon
If you were perfect you wouldn’t be you and I wouldn’t have anything to do in helping you with in your quest for perfection
What a blessing this is to feel this way
This is living! LOVING is LIVING! Loving feels better than not!

Actively participating in the love in your life whether it’s from a friend, significant other, teacher, minister or puppy is exhilarating!
Love is best when it’s true, honest, unselfish, gentle, forgiving and accompanied by freedom.
I was created to love God and I am so glad you came with the package!

Through Thick and Thin!

(2002)
I came across an old picture of myself. One that 6 years ago I was ok with but then as I became further immersed in “Hollywood” I began to loathe…I was THICK! Yes ladies and gentleman…I was once curvaceous…heck I AM from the midwest!

What’s interesting is that when I first moved to L.A. I was ok with my size…I was a 10…sometimes 11 but I wore it pretty well. I had hips and thighs, yet still had a small waist…praise God! (lol) But what I was faced with as I began to delve further into the entertainment industry (even though I was behind the scenes) is pressure…I was too plain…too thick…just not quite right. Maybe I was so impressionable because I was so young but it really had an effect on me.

So now I am a size 4…hmm… quite an accomplishment some would say. I must admit that it feels good to finally be able to wear WHATEVER I want! I did everything the natural way…eating right and exercising (stuff I surely didn’t do before…at all). But I will say that I miss my curves. I miss knowing that my back side is going to be prominent in whatever I am wearing. (Not sure if it’s healthy to be so concerned with the prominence of that part of my body…as most black women are brainwashed to be but I digress) But hey…now I can wear a half top and my stomach is flat…cool! What was weird for the longest time is going back to Detroit and having my family and friends throw cakes and pies at me like “Girl, what’s wrong with you, you betta eat!” I’m skinny out there, but I’m just right here in L.A. yet 6 years ago I was perfect for Detroit but too big for L.A.

All of this started me thinking…who am I? Why am I defined by my waistline? Some like ‘em thick and some like ‘em thin but what do I like? I have to be honest and say that at first it mattered a lot what everyone else thought. Now, not as much (sometimes I care but I’m working on not). I have learned that I have to do what is best for me and my well being. So if by working out and eating healthy I look like this then so be it but I was always me…even 6 years ago. As a society we are usually so focused on the exterior that we will miss the blessing in a person that is within. Of course there is nothing wrong with looking great on the outside but we must not ignore our inner beauty for it is truly the best and most important part of us. Not sure why I wanted to share this but if it encourages anyone out there just remember that you must love yourself…through THICK and THIN!
(2008)

God Help Us! (Miss you Michael)

First of all, I want to say that I miss you Michael...although I never knew you. I wish I was able to know you not just because of the fame but because you came across as a true person of love and innocence. Your talent was God given and so much more than this world could handle.

I entitled this note "God Help Us" because I truly feel like the last few years of Michael's life have been full of heartache, depression and despair. I imagine that he though very sheltered had a unique connection with the human spirit (a God-given compassion) that we may not understand but spoke to the hearts of many. He seemed to be drawn to the "lowly" people of the world. Those who are suffering in poverty, sickness, etc. What I truly find tragic is that as much as Michael has GIVEN to the world (more than just dance moves and great music) what has he RECEIVED in the last few years? Ridicule, jokes, depressing sighs at the mention of his name because of allegations....not fact! We forgot who he was! I guess this is why Michael was heavy on my heart for some reason and I was moved to write that note last week about him.

Though I am so sad that he is gone...I feel like he can finally be at peace without judgement! He can finally hear the words in the most sincere tone from God, "Job well done...my son". I find it so sad that you have to die before your true life's purpose and contributions can be appreciated. How many times has Mike gone to bed and said, "I just did a concert where people were moved to tears... brought some sick kids teddy bears and sat with them... I just paid these kids college tuition... I just made my friends laugh, etc....YET I am nothing more than a "weirdo" or "possible child molester" to most people! How freakin sad is that folks?!

Hmmm I guess that's how Jesus felt. But does that have to be the case for everyone? You HAVE to let the people in your lives that mean something to you know it! Love them everyday even if it seems like overkill. Stop taking LOVE for granted folks (I speak to myself in this as well). When my grandmother passed in April all I could think was "I can't believe she loved me as much as she did!" I reflected on the smiles and hugs she gave me that I took for granted. We cannot take people and their contribution to the world for granted...no matter on what level. From the janitor to the President we are ALL a valuable cog in this wheel of life. LOVE NOW...FOR THE TIME IS NEAR.

Unrequited

What a feeling
A pleasant disturbance
The closest parallel of life and death

My heart screams through my chest and my ears try to ignore it
Anxiety becomes my caffeine
You are my drug of choice

My fixation is natural Yet to not be with you is un...
My soul grows weary of the desires that fill my head

My mind tells me what I should do instead
But letting go is not an option
Yet neither is holding on

I have never felt hunger pangs that were not satisfied with dinner
But can you… will you…should you deliver?

How can I curse and sing your name at the same time?
Write beautiful poetry and a relational "pink slip" with every rhyme

I hurt, I grieve, I try to believe, I groan cause I can't moan...man 'I gotta go home!'

I trust God and know patience is a necessity but please believe this is so hard for me
Must I deny myself someone else Lord?
This hurts more than before

I feel so ready for the world
Yet I want to be somebody's girl
Yeah I guess that's unrequited…

Eden Love

I want that Eden Love
Like we are the only two people on the earth
And everything in our site we rule

Our love isn't complicated
We can be completely naked in front of each other
And it's natural
I was made for you
And you take care of me
Cause I am your blessing
And you are my king...just below God

It's just you, me, God and the land
We live, we exist in a place so beautiful
That it's been written about
And thousands of years later
People hear about it and wish they were there where we were...in this garden

That Eden Love
That you and me love
That not stressed out type love
Cause if it gets hard love, well we got God and God IS love
And love is all we really need cause God is all we need right, Love?

This Society

Somethings just not right, why does our way of life feel so empty? Am I crazy or is something wrong? Who says that the path for my life must consist of 4-8 years (or more) of college and then a 40-70 hour work week with little to no time to spend with my family or friends? Who says that stress is just a natural part of life? Why is heart disease, 'newly developed vunereal diseases' and cancer so rampant yet no universal health care? Who says that I have to be in competition with that woman next to me for the attention of that man sitting across from me? Who says that becase I'm a black woman I have to be angry, overweight and bitter? Who says that black men have to be thugs and womanizers and that the best part about them is their so called "swagger"?

There is something wrong here! What do I mean when I say "here"? The U.S. This is a society where money is top priority, power comes in at a close second, fame rounding third and family fourth (if that). With a value system like that how can we expect to feel normal? How are we supposed to know what true godly love is when we don't see it on a daily basis? Our tv shows are fully of drama, dispair, and heartache. We see drug commercials for our aches and pains with side effects that give us even more intense aches and pains! People are drugged up on more psychedelic drugs than ever just to deal with the brokeness that they feel but remains "unexplainable".

The explanation, we are in a backwards society! We live in a place that is not condusive to the rearing of a people who's most primary function is to love. We help, we encourage, we give, we care about the well being of others and it's as natural as breathing. But in a society where those valuable things are not valued, where your integrity becomes your downfall, where peace can only be achieved with snorts of cocaine and countless origies, where the idea of love only leaves one to ponder upon the seemingly imminent divorce... (btw, the U.S. has the highest divorce rate in the WORLD!) we will perpetually be in limbo because our sprits are in Zion but or bodies are in Sodom and Gomorrah!

What is the answer? First, we have to educate ourselves on WHO we actually are. We have been fed stereotypes and lies from the media for so long that we actually believe them. Then we have to stop listening when we are being told WHAT to do. We have stop following the status quo, following the 'crabs in a barrel' methodology and help each other. Next, is WHERE do we go? The 'powers that be' will not just let you be empowered in a loving manner, there is some sort of assignment that they must complete that is to kill, steal and destroy the people of God...so we must prepare a place for us to live in God's protection. WHEN are we going to make this happen? When are we going to finally admit that it's not just our imagination, there is something wrong with life as is. The fact that it's 'normal' here to see someone on the street begging for food and someone can ride past them in a Lamborghini and not even think twice about helping that person says that there is an imbalance in our society! A place where a man abandoning his child is more normal than abnormal is out of order. HOW can a place where marriage is no longer sacred but is exploited on television shows and where those people in the limelight are encouraged to have little to no integrity and respect for themselves for the sick amusement of the viewers even when there are children watching. 'Roll models aren't necessary...just as long as they're models!', the media screams! WHY do we need a change...because we're worth it...we are worthy of God's love...its timeout for the madness and the degradation of our people.