Through Thick and Thin!

(2002)
I came across an old picture of myself. One that 6 years ago I was ok with but then as I became further immersed in “Hollywood” I began to loathe…I was THICK! Yes ladies and gentleman…I was once curvaceous…heck I AM from the midwest!

What’s interesting is that when I first moved to L.A. I was ok with my size…I was a 10…sometimes 11 but I wore it pretty well. I had hips and thighs, yet still had a small waist…praise God! (lol) But what I was faced with as I began to delve further into the entertainment industry (even though I was behind the scenes) is pressure…I was too plain…too thick…just not quite right. Maybe I was so impressionable because I was so young but it really had an effect on me.

So now I am a size 4…hmm… quite an accomplishment some would say. I must admit that it feels good to finally be able to wear WHATEVER I want! I did everything the natural way…eating right and exercising (stuff I surely didn’t do before…at all). But I will say that I miss my curves. I miss knowing that my back side is going to be prominent in whatever I am wearing. (Not sure if it’s healthy to be so concerned with the prominence of that part of my body…as most black women are brainwashed to be but I digress) But hey…now I can wear a half top and my stomach is flat…cool! What was weird for the longest time is going back to Detroit and having my family and friends throw cakes and pies at me like “Girl, what’s wrong with you, you betta eat!” I’m skinny out there, but I’m just right here in L.A. yet 6 years ago I was perfect for Detroit but too big for L.A.

All of this started me thinking…who am I? Why am I defined by my waistline? Some like ‘em thick and some like ‘em thin but what do I like? I have to be honest and say that at first it mattered a lot what everyone else thought. Now, not as much (sometimes I care but I’m working on not). I have learned that I have to do what is best for me and my well being. So if by working out and eating healthy I look like this then so be it but I was always me…even 6 years ago. As a society we are usually so focused on the exterior that we will miss the blessing in a person that is within. Of course there is nothing wrong with looking great on the outside but we must not ignore our inner beauty for it is truly the best and most important part of us. Not sure why I wanted to share this but if it encourages anyone out there just remember that you must love yourself…through THICK and THIN!
(2008)